Raising children is the most cherished and fulfilling experience of life time but it is not  a step-by-step, check-the-box-and-you’re-done situation. It is connecting soul to soul, adapting, shaping, teaching, supporting, problem-solving, celebrating, and waiting situation. Dont we know that ?

I have a seventeen year old ! and I love him to the moon and back ! Having said that there are several moments of the day when he leaves me like duh h !!! what was that again ? or I see a pair of shoulders going up and down i.e teenager replying to my seemingly basic question with an incredulous how would i know !a shrug of a shoulder !

Well a lot of this and more started to happen when my sonny boy turned 15 ! yes before that i was navigating different challenges in parenting and definitely lots of joy ! More on that in another post .

Modern life does have has excessive distraction.! Well my boy started to distract himself and mommy was replaced by google Baba and friends ! (dont take me wrong ! I love his friends ). OK let me come clean ! i was plain jealous and left wondering as to where is that sweet boy who could come and discuss things with me . I missed those interactions .He had started studying on his own at an early age, thanks to a very effective study schedule !Reach out if u have younger kids an and you want some tips on how to set a schedule with kids that works !

And next on my rant list is .Technology! Yes sure it has its benefits — And yes i googled what i am going to share next🤷‍♀️

According to a study of young adults published in The American Journal of Preventive Medicine, those in the top 25% of social media use, were more than 3X as likely to report feeling socially isolated. Consider the irony: instant connection on social media correlated with social isolation. And in another study, researchers have found that the severity of adolescents’ anxiety and depression symptoms rose in accordance with increased screen time. !

And yes this social isolation was happening right in front of eyes ! From happily going to all movies with us every Friday. and occasional dinners , we were asking our son for availability windows – no! not for going to the movie but for an update of whats happening in his life !I felt his personal connection decreasing not only with us but with other people as well . He felt that he was getting his fix on the social media .But , i know deep inside I knew he wanted to talk – but somehow we were not connecting !

What left me more concerned Is that despite the fact that these kids have 100 ‘s of friends on Facebook ,snap chat , hangout and more – they still dont have a personal connection with a single one ? When i say personal connection it is real one -one meeting,eating and a slap on the back !Why are they not able to make genuine friends ? Is it a facade they put up in the online world? Where are they then having authentic conversations? Where are they pouring their heart out ?

Ever since the lock down happened , i was very concerned like most of you would be as well -that with schools being shut the sole personal connection window my child has – is also been cut !Now comes the double irony -when i asked him about this and his emotions and views around it – guess what i got – you got it! a massive shrug of shoulder and a hand signal to say all is well. But all is not well and i know that ! I have read some of his writings and they convey a longing for real connection . You may wonder here why i as a parent cannot intervene and talk with him . Well i did try ,but most of my strategies did not work .

But dear parents you know how we are ! we want to get in depth of the matter and when it comes to our children we leave no stone upturned . Allow me to rewind to March 2019 . I decided ,I am going to enable my child as well as myself and we are going to work on our connection issues among-st others. I started pouring over parenting teens articles, research and anything related to teenagers .What i found immensely insightful was understanding the Neuroscience of the Teen brain . It opened up a whole new way of looking at my son , his world , his actions, his silence and more .

I experienced a big Aha moment . I realized that i had been reading and following the wrong map! I was reading an outdated map of my child and trying to fit it with his current reality ! I consolidated my learning and integrated it with the combined wisdom of coaching , Neuro Lingusitic Programming , Emotional Intelligence for a unique Parenting Approach .

Yes dear parents , the truth is that though I was noticing the physical changes in my son but somehow i could not comprehend the changes that were happening in his DEVELOPING Brain .Like most parents I was following an outdated premise that children are little adults . No ! they are not . They have a very different operating system so to speak . They are a work in progress . For eg. The emotional centers of the Teen brain are very well developed and so is the reward center which is probably why they are so prone to take risks , while the PFC the rational thinking center of the brain is still under development . No wonder !There are so many times that i see him as the most logical person around and at others as clueless as Alice !

Further In this world of Instant Gratification we parents do not always know how to cope! And before you  know it, it becomes this vicious cycle—our children’s impatience makes us impatient, which in turn makes them more impatient, until it spirals out of control . And in these times when we are exhausted and overwhelmed, it is more likely to react rather than respond with kids . insist it? Thats what was happening in the relationship closest to my heart!

I am going to pause here in this post and i take a deep breath and affirming whatever I am feeling right now, I suggest you do that as well.! RELAX ! You are working through things in your own way. That is OK. Be kind to yourself. We know logic does not help in emotionally charged situations Which is why we hope you hear us when I say, “You’re not alone.” and that There is no one right way to raise a child.!

Having said that I have come to the awareness and have made an informed choice of my course of action regarding our parenting (my husband & I )for our son . We now totally believe that great parents are made, not born. Like you, we love our kids fiercely, but also experience times of frustration, confusion, isolation, and worry. We are all imperfect parents!

We asked ourselves :
What does it take to be a good parent in this tumultuous time? Fortunate for me , i am open to learning and realize that my son has stuff he needs to share with an adult – and that adult may not always be me and that does not make me a lesser parent . This adult is a professional Coach . You may like to ask me that being a coach myself why cant i coach my son .?Well! it doesn’t work like that . HOW IT DOES WORK IS THAT MY SON AND I BOTH ATTENDED COACHING – I attended a parent coaching program and he a teen coaching program . I am deeply satisfied with the results ! Coaching offered my teenage son the invaluable time and space to explore his inner and outer worlds and to show up in empowered ways.

Then? then my excitement knew no bounds . I completed another certification in Parent coaching and am now coaching and talking to teens and their parents . There is a process i follow which has its roots in neuroscience but backed with the heart , head and Gut of a mother – A lethal combination !

Would you like to know more about the program ?Just go ahead and share your email id in the comments and i will mail you the complete details . Its the first program of its kinds in which parent and child can use what we call as a“Life Intelligence Scorecard “and notice their growth together everyday and take their relationship to a new level

More on that in the next post !But if you cant wait ! Write in at [email protected]

Ps. in the next post – 10 amazing facts on the teen brain plus some fun facts and off course details on the Life skills intelligence Scorecard and why its crucial .

Till then

love and Gratitude