what to do when you yell at your children?

You just yelled at your kids. And I mean, YELLED!
Despite your best efforts at calm, peaceful parenting, you lost your cool. Cabinets were slammed. Words were said. Unfair consequences were given.
It all happened so fast. And now, it’s over.
You feel horrible. Guilt is washing over you.
This is not how you want to parent.
So, what do you do now?

Breathe: When you were angry, your body was in survival mode – your heart rate was up, your breathing was shallow, your muscles were tense and your thinking was not clear. Get your brain and your body back on track with a few deep breaths.

Do not say or do anything else until you have taken at least 4 really good breaths.

Watch for the Re-Trigger: Your kids might not be ready to give up the fight. It’s easy to get worked up over the same issue again. Instead, remind yourself that you are only in charge of your own actions and that you’re modeling self-control (even if you blew it a few minutes ago).

Find a mantra to keep you focused.

Take Responsibility (no BUTS!): It doesn’t matter who started it. Teach your children how to take responsibility without shifting the blame to someone else. You can do this out-loud by saying, “Wow, I’m so sorry, I really let my anger get out of control!”

Keep the focus on you, don’t add: “…but you shouldn’t” or “…but you know better.”

Repair the Relationship: If hurtful words were said, harsh punishments were given or physical aggression occurred, your children may feel disconnected from you. Set the situation aside temporarily, wait on giving consequences and focus instead on repairing the relationship with your kids.

Feeling guilty after yelling at your kids doesn’t need to paralyze you. It doesn’t need to shut you down or leave you feeling like a failure.
It can actually be the motivation you need to take a step in a positive direction.
If you’re looking for additional support and tips about positive parenting, I invite you to contact me for one on one coaching on [email protected]